Couples can polarise around different kinds of values: political, social, cultural, or environmental to name a few.
Especially in times of transition differences around priorities can arise, such as where to live, who is going to have more of the childcare responsibilities or what to do when the children leave home or in retirement?
Whether it’s about decisions to do with environmental impact, or wanting to ‘spice’ things up sexually or not, different values can put pressure on the relationship.
When we have different priorities about what’s important it is harder to be attentive to the other in listening and understanding.
Maybe you’ve repeatedly tried to find your way through differences, but end up getting more polarised with your values and arguments or distance sets in.
In couples therapy I support you to explore together with more curiosity, deeper listening and understanding for what each other is with: to make sense of your issues around different values. You can then feel resourced to make choices that are right for you both. It may be that you become more of a team and experience the richness in your diversity if this is what you both want and need.
Changes can also be made to communicate differently as you understand yourself and your partner better and there’s a shift from the conflict to empathic resolution.