Money Conflicts

Money conflict situations which can arise:

• You have different attitudes towards lifestyles and money. One person is keen to spend whereas the other feels this is lavish and has an approach that in turn is judged as frugal.
• One person has lost their job and things are tight, but it feels impossible to talk about money without upset between you.
• You are wanting to have an equal say in your shared finances. Your partner earns a lot more than you, so you’re finding it hard to voice this, even though you contribute a lot more to the relationship in other ways.

“Money is never just about money – financial plans are also emotional plans.”

Esther Perel (Couples Therapist)

So much can be tied up with money talk or lack of talking about money within relationships.

We often bring a whole history of experiences, judgements, values and beliefs around money into our intimate relationship and so does our partner.

It’s not just about numbers and spreadsheets

We’re not just referring to numbers and spreadsheets when we’re discussing money in relationship. There are a whole host of emotional attachments and personal values hiding behind seemingly rational thoughts about the right or wrong of it all.

Societal values around accomplishment and success can be linked to financial gain and yet for such an emphasis on financial achievement societies don’t make this a fair or easy goal.

Gender roles are in flux and yet traditional expectations can still linger and be unspoken.

All these various factors affect how we experience money and when we have different expectations and perspectives from our partner and find it hard to understand each other, this can lead to conflict. It can be common to avoid talking about money as it’s not seen as romantic. Over time, resentments can build leading to distance or flare up into arguments.

Couples therapy can help when we’re stuck in conflict around finances. With support there can be new ways of communicating through understanding what feelings, deeper values and vulnerabilities are behind the conflict. This leads to developing constructive ways of being together in relation to money.

If you’d like support with this, get in touch.